He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
