I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
