do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
