i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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