Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is Oprah even human
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
