You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
