So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
