I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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