I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
