I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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