I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
