YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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