This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
