I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
