please come you make the beer taste better
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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