Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
