There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
