They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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