Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
