i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
