I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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