What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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