I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He passed out mid-signature
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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