Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
