He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
