New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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