Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
