We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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