I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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