I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
