I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
