Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
