Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
