Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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