Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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