you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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