how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
