I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the day after is always just damage control
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
