How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
