Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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