I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
