i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize