nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
