the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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