Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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