Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
