i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize