By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
