Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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