I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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