careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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