Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
