how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
