i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Still dying that you shit outside
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
