hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
