Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize