Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
