I hate all girls vehemently.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize