so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
