i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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