I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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