just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
