Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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