I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
