hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize