I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sorry about my life...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
PANTIES FOUND
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