My friends, they love my intelligence
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
