Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
