I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
