Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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