I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
